What happens to our emotionality in strictly religious settings, where parental intentions are good, but personal gain/focus weighs too heavy (as evidenced through fear of what other’s will think of our abilities as parents when our children don’t “choose the right” which is in reality “our right” and what is best for us) and emotional coaching skills are too weak to combat a child’s natural response to withdraw and shut down emotionally and spiritually and religion is rejected or becomes something rooted in self discipline giving birth to worship for personal gain ( personal image) or solely out of duty and obligation set in personal resistance. And who is at the focus of this survival mode birthed through a need for parental approval while denying oneself? An inflated and distorted sense of “Self” or in other words a fragile core. To me this shares so many elements of Satan’s plan of personal glory through personal gain whose foundation is force and coercion.
In this way humility is lost because honest humility’s fundamental step is emotional honesty and our acceptance of our most vulnerable and emotionally raw self. Denial of our honest emotions is the foundation of pride, personal protection out of desperation and the fast current of moving our escapes to levels of addiction. The power of emotional honesty or humility and acceptance of where we are emotionally, is we are never alone in it. It is only in that moment where we can feel fully the presence of God and His deep and abiding love for us as manifested in the atonement of Christ. His encircling arms are ever present in that broken hearted moment as we are stripped of pride and swallowed in the power of His desire forgive us and love us it is impossible to not feel our own desire to open and extend our heart more to receive even more of Him if possible. In our newfound desire to be open to His influence we diligently seek to know what we can do to please Him, to serve Him and our willingness to live in accordance with our desire easily manifests in our daily practices and habits in seeking and doing His will before our own or someone else’s.
The doctrine of humility, yielding or will or a broken heart and a contrite (willing) spirit is the key to charity, the pure love of Christ and becoming like Him. It is in our constant striving to become like Christ that our happiness is ensured and His promise linked to it is fulfilled. Determination to protect and maintain a broken heart and a contrite spirit or a soft heart (towards God’s will for us and in our dealing with other’s Matt 25:40) in times of adversity expedite the opportunity for our personal growth, happiness and the Holy Ghost’s ability to sanctify us through refining. These godly characteristics further prepare us to be in His glorious presence so that we might receive in our mortality bit by bit a fullness of all that He has and all that He is, all starts with emotional honesty and acceptance of where we are and a desire to turn to Christ so that He can help us to know Him and become like Him.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Manipulation 2
Manipulation 2
Everyone is vulnerable to manipulation.
I think we develop some of the following "fragile core self” characteristics when we have been in a relationship with a Toxic person. We learn (we are trained) to get along with them adopting some of the following characteristics in the name of self preservation and emotional survival. Just be aware that this survival mode although once helpful makes you a prime target for manipulation.
You are more vulnerable to manipulation if:
1. Your identity is defined by others approval of you, if your sense of peace is dependent on agreeing with others, if your sense of worth comes from pleasing others. You are responsible for forming your identity.
2. You believe your sense of identity and “self” needs to be invisible to get along with others. You are responsible for asserting your “self” so that those who love you can understand and honor you.
3. If your afraid of negative emotions; yours or someone else’s. You’re are responsible to learn the self reflective lessons of your negative emotions, these help give your identity shape.
4. If you’re overly responsible. You are responsible for maintaining a balance in your responsibilities ie. not feeling overwhelmed. You are also responsible for not stealing someone else’s opportunity to learn, grow and feel empowered.
5.If you see yourself as a victim, powerlessness or suffer from learned helplessness or poverty of belief. You are responsible for seeing the that you are the most powerful agent in your life and looking for the opportunities that reinforce that truth.
6. If you doubt yourself, distrust your emotions and your own judgment. You are responsible for recognizing and trusting your feelings so that you can understand the truth of yourself. If you don’t recognize and count your feelings as important, in other words, trust your feelings, no one else will either.
Until you change or modify your beliefs about yourself, you will continue to be a prime target for manipulation.
Everyone is vulnerable to manipulation.
I think we develop some of the following "fragile core self” characteristics when we have been in a relationship with a Toxic person. We learn (we are trained) to get along with them adopting some of the following characteristics in the name of self preservation and emotional survival. Just be aware that this survival mode although once helpful makes you a prime target for manipulation.
You are more vulnerable to manipulation if:
1. Your identity is defined by others approval of you, if your sense of peace is dependent on agreeing with others, if your sense of worth comes from pleasing others. You are responsible for forming your identity.
2. You believe your sense of identity and “self” needs to be invisible to get along with others. You are responsible for asserting your “self” so that those who love you can understand and honor you.
3. If your afraid of negative emotions; yours or someone else’s. You’re are responsible to learn the self reflective lessons of your negative emotions, these help give your identity shape.
4. If you’re overly responsible. You are responsible for maintaining a balance in your responsibilities ie. not feeling overwhelmed. You are also responsible for not stealing someone else’s opportunity to learn, grow and feel empowered.
5.If you see yourself as a victim, powerlessness or suffer from learned helplessness or poverty of belief. You are responsible for seeing the that you are the most powerful agent in your life and looking for the opportunities that reinforce that truth.
6. If you doubt yourself, distrust your emotions and your own judgment. You are responsible for recognizing and trusting your feelings so that you can understand the truth of yourself. If you don’t recognize and count your feelings as important, in other words, trust your feelings, no one else will either.
Until you change or modify your beliefs about yourself, you will continue to be a prime target for manipulation.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Peacemaker 1
November 3, 2009 Tuesday
“For the time speedily cometh that the Lord God shall cause a great division among the people,…..”
(2 Nephi 30:10)
Those that know peace will divide from those that do not know peace.
“…..the wolf dwell with the lamb;…..”
(2 Nephi 30:12)
“Let the mountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid rocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the morning stars sing together, and let all the sons of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and immortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!”
(DC 128:23)
All living things will know peace.
“They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain…..”
(2 Nephi 30:15)
“And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the LORD’s house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it.
And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths: for out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem.
And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.” (Isaiah 2:2-4)
The idea of war in any relationship will be confusing.
“…..for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.” (2 Nephi 30:15)
“And truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come….Man was also in the beginning with God. Intelligence, or the light of truth,… Light and truth forsake that evil one.” (DC 93: 24, 29, 37)
We will return to our original state, having added to our Light and Truth eternally.
What is the knowledge that will lead us to such peace? The same knowledge that has been revealed to us already, the knowledge that is revealed in our priesthood covenants.
“And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God.
Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest.
And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh;
For without this no man can see the face of God, even the Father, and live.”
(Section 84:19 - 22)
And…our priesthood covenants gives us access to personal revelation and knowledge of the Truth of the peaceable things of Godliness….as taught by the Holy Ghost.
“If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.”
(Section 42:61)
“Therefore it is given to abide in you…. the Comforter; the peaceable things of immortal glory; the truth of all things; that which quickeneth all things, which maketh alive all things; that which knoweth all things, and hath all power according to wisdom, mercy, truth, justice, and judgment.”
(Moses 6:61)
I deeply appreciate how these things interact inside me each day they have a direct connect to my ability to feel inner peace as well as to make peace in my relationship to those I know and love, to others I don’t know well or at all and to all other living things on earth. I believe a true peacemaker desires all those….peaces.
“For the time speedily cometh that the Lord God shall cause a great division among the people,…..”
(2 Nephi 30:10)
Those that know peace will divide from those that do not know peace.
“…..the wolf dwell with the lamb;…..”
(2 Nephi 30:12)
“Let the mountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid rocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the morning stars sing together, and let all the sons of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and immortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!”
(DC 128:23)
All living things will know peace.
“They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain…..”
(2 Nephi 30:15)
“And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the LORD’s house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it.
And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths: for out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem.
And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.” (Isaiah 2:2-4)
The idea of war in any relationship will be confusing.
“…..for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.” (2 Nephi 30:15)
“And truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come….Man was also in the beginning with God. Intelligence, or the light of truth,… Light and truth forsake that evil one.” (DC 93: 24, 29, 37)
We will return to our original state, having added to our Light and Truth eternally.
What is the knowledge that will lead us to such peace? The same knowledge that has been revealed to us already, the knowledge that is revealed in our priesthood covenants.
“And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God.
Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest.
And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh;
For without this no man can see the face of God, even the Father, and live.”
(Section 84:19 - 22)
And…our priesthood covenants gives us access to personal revelation and knowledge of the Truth of the peaceable things of Godliness….as taught by the Holy Ghost.
“If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.”
(Section 42:61)
“Therefore it is given to abide in you…. the Comforter; the peaceable things of immortal glory; the truth of all things; that which quickeneth all things, which maketh alive all things; that which knoweth all things, and hath all power according to wisdom, mercy, truth, justice, and judgment.”
(Moses 6:61)
I deeply appreciate how these things interact inside me each day they have a direct connect to my ability to feel inner peace as well as to make peace in my relationship to those I know and love, to others I don’t know well or at all and to all other living things on earth. I believe a true peacemaker desires all those….peaces.
Friday, October 30, 2009
The Truth about Ancestors
When a friend of mind shared this experience with me, I was so impressed I wanted to post it. It reminds me of DC 93:39. I have had similar experiences and believe they have set me free to love my ancestors for who they really are and make sense of the truth of the past traditions of my ancestors that need some correcting so that I might find real happiness. I like how this experience testifies of modern day prophets and their ability to lead us when we hearken to what they say. I also like how their personal revelation is aligned with the scriptures. When I have similar journaling experiences I do find they are littered with scripture references. I further believe that anyone can have these kinds of experiences. When our hearts are soft and yielding to the spirit the Holy Ghost can bless us with all these various ways of receiving personal revelation.
Here is their experience:
"After a recent family home evening in which we scoured Elder Scott's recent conference talk, To Acquire Spiritual Guidance, for the "advanced" steps of receiving personal revelation in the form of spiritual dictation, I put a spiral notebook and pen beside my bed. I wanted to be ready. After all, Elder Scott had borne witness that I, personally, could learn to master these principles, and I believed him.
A few nights later, I was awakened in the middle of the night and could not get back to sleep after trying for some time. I finally rolled out of bed onto my knees and began praying for sleep. As I prayed, words began to come distinctly to my mind, and I grabbed my notebook, pen and flashlight and began to write what I was receiving.
What followed was an amazing, sacred experience. I felt that one of my deceased grandfathers, who my mother had always talked about as though he were almost perfect, wanted to do some pointing out of and repenting of some attitudes and patterns inherited from his fathers and perpetuated by him that had negatively affected my life and the lives of my siblings. When, at first, as this information was coming, I balked at seeing his faults, this came:
"We would rather you see us as human and lay aside our imperfection, then see us as "perfect' and blindly copy them and pass them on."
Sometimes it may seem "disloyal" to see those we love--our parents and grandparents--as human, with weaknesses and strengths, instead of as perfect. But I have learned that once we are on the other side of the veil, we would rather our posterity see and graciously, gently lay aside our weaknesses, than imagine we are perfect and perpetuate them. I can imagine that it would be a cause of great remorse to have set certain behaviors in motion while in mortality, and then watch from beyond the veil as posterity whom I loved "loyally" copied my mistakes. How difficult it would be to repent and really feel "done" with those mistakes if there were those in mortality still suffering from them! I am thankful for this "permission" to see the truth of things as they really are, for "the truth shall set [us] free"!
--Anonymous
Worshiping our ancestors and appreciating who they are....is not the same.
Sometimes I talk to a client who doesn't discern this difference I like to explore the question...what is wrong with being perfect?
I would be interested in your insights...What is wrong with being perfect?
Here is their experience:
"After a recent family home evening in which we scoured Elder Scott's recent conference talk, To Acquire Spiritual Guidance, for the "advanced" steps of receiving personal revelation in the form of spiritual dictation, I put a spiral notebook and pen beside my bed. I wanted to be ready. After all, Elder Scott had borne witness that I, personally, could learn to master these principles, and I believed him.
A few nights later, I was awakened in the middle of the night and could not get back to sleep after trying for some time. I finally rolled out of bed onto my knees and began praying for sleep. As I prayed, words began to come distinctly to my mind, and I grabbed my notebook, pen and flashlight and began to write what I was receiving.
What followed was an amazing, sacred experience. I felt that one of my deceased grandfathers, who my mother had always talked about as though he were almost perfect, wanted to do some pointing out of and repenting of some attitudes and patterns inherited from his fathers and perpetuated by him that had negatively affected my life and the lives of my siblings. When, at first, as this information was coming, I balked at seeing his faults, this came:
"We would rather you see us as human and lay aside our imperfection, then see us as "perfect' and blindly copy them and pass them on."
Sometimes it may seem "disloyal" to see those we love--our parents and grandparents--as human, with weaknesses and strengths, instead of as perfect. But I have learned that once we are on the other side of the veil, we would rather our posterity see and graciously, gently lay aside our weaknesses, than imagine we are perfect and perpetuate them. I can imagine that it would be a cause of great remorse to have set certain behaviors in motion while in mortality, and then watch from beyond the veil as posterity whom I loved "loyally" copied my mistakes. How difficult it would be to repent and really feel "done" with those mistakes if there were those in mortality still suffering from them! I am thankful for this "permission" to see the truth of things as they really are, for "the truth shall set [us] free"!
--Anonymous
Worshiping our ancestors and appreciating who they are....is not the same.
Sometimes I talk to a client who doesn't discern this difference I like to explore the question...what is wrong with being perfect?
I would be interested in your insights...What is wrong with being perfect?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Feeling Questions 1
Feeling Questions 1
1. What is a feeling?
2. What is the purpose of feeling?
3. Why are people emotionally dishonest?
4. Have you ever been emotionally dishonest with someone you love? Why?
5. How many feelings do you feel daily?
6. How in tune are you to how you feel?
7. Do you feel out of touch with your feelings? What gets in your way of paying attention to how you feel?
8. What is a sensation?
9. Do believe there are such things as bad feelings? What are they? What does bad mean to you?
10. Have you ever felt afraid to feel your emotions? What were you afraid of?
11. What is your deepest fear today?
12. What breaks your heart?
13. What makes you feel strong?
14. When was the last time you felt still, quiet and filled with peace?
15. If you knew your true success was eminent, what would you do?
16. Do you spend more time thinking about how others feel or how you feel?
1. What is a feeling?
2. What is the purpose of feeling?
3. Why are people emotionally dishonest?
4. Have you ever been emotionally dishonest with someone you love? Why?
5. How many feelings do you feel daily?
6. How in tune are you to how you feel?
7. Do you feel out of touch with your feelings? What gets in your way of paying attention to how you feel?
8. What is a sensation?
9. Do believe there are such things as bad feelings? What are they? What does bad mean to you?
10. Have you ever felt afraid to feel your emotions? What were you afraid of?
11. What is your deepest fear today?
12. What breaks your heart?
13. What makes you feel strong?
14. When was the last time you felt still, quiet and filled with peace?
15. If you knew your true success was eminent, what would you do?
16. Do you spend more time thinking about how others feel or how you feel?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Boundaries
Boundaries
There is no intimacy without boundaries.
Boundaries, set appropriately, create intimacy.
Boundaries are not solely what we say they are what we do when our beliefs and entitlements have been violated.
The truth about boundaries is they free us (by keeping us on track and focused) to fulfill the purpose of our creation and have peace and be happy. The least boundaries do is protect us from people who feel entitled to violate (intentionally or unintentionally) our boundaries to meet their needs.
A subtle boundary destroyer is being too busy, distraction. Daily meditative time offers us the time we need to deliberately create our emotional world spiritually first (with the guidance of our Creator) by visualizing ourselves moving through our day, our world, in our relationships before it becomes our reality.
There are all kinds of Personal boundaries.
Physical boundaries.
Sexual boundaries.
Spiritual boundaries.
Emotional boundaries.
Religious boundaries.
Mental boundaries.
Social boundaries.
Etc.
Trust is a part of the foundation of any healthy, successful relationship. Setting clear boundaries allow others who love us show us their love by respecting our boundaries and welcoming what they can do to honor our unique self. In this way boundaries create an environment of trust.
Before we can be powerful in unity it is requisite that we have strength in our separate identity.
Enmeshment and intimacy is not the same.
Intimacy is created when two separate, different people come together, willingly open to sharing and disclosing (in reciprocity) their differences and similarities, as well as their strengthens and weaknesses and in return understanding and respect in those differences and similarities is offered by the other. All of this created with appropriate boundaries, that we choose. This is a powerful element of creating an emotionally safe place.
Things that threaten intimacy; a need or demand for agreement, conformity, sameness, arrogance, pride, lack of understanding or empathy in the sharing moment, lack of reciprocity, rejection, being judgmental of the other instead of receiving what is shared, Etc.
This is true in our marriages, in our parent child relationships, in our friendships, in our communities of church and work, neighborhoods etc. The level of appropriate disclosure is relative to the relationship.
Intimacy and charity are close companions.
Boundary foundation
God is Light and Truth (DC 93:9) We are all children of God (Psalms 82:6). We are intelligent beings. Intelligence has always existed. Intelligence is made up of Truth and Light (DC 93: 29-30). This is our Divine Worth and core of our Eternal Identity. The more that Truth and Light fill us (DC93:29-30), the more peace of mind, harmony of heart, and completeness of happiness define us, for real. Peace, inner harmony and happiness are powerful states of being (Christ-like) that naturally create an atmosphere to nurture and grow others into the same. The purpose of boundaries is to honor, add too and protect the Light and Truth that was restored to us (by Christ’s atonement) from our birth on earth (Doctrine and Covenants 93:38). Every child of God is entitled to honor, cultivate and protect the Light and Truth inherently in them.
When we move contrary to our Light and Truth we betray our most core self. When we betray ourselves we trade Light and Truth for darkness, confusion, deceit and we distance ourselves from our Divine Worth and Eternal Identity and most sadly from our Creator. This causes us to forget what and who we inherently are (Moses 5:9-15) and our beliefs, words and behavior entropy (DC 93::39) into thinking that our fallen state (without Christ’s atonement) defines us, eventually we allow others to do the same.
Betrayal from others is when, for whatever reason, they treat us other than who and what we are, my use of criticism or manipulation, it is all for personal gain whether conscious or not. We are all entitled to define and set our own boundaries, tailored to our unique levels of comfort, that maintain, nurture and protect our Divine Worth and Eternal Identity.
Our priesthood covenants are agreed upon boundaries that we willingly enter into, in which both God and we, promise that we will remember who we are and keep that perspective in mind as we live out mortality.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Want to Envy
Want to Envy
Intoxicating want
Moves me quick
To blurry vision
Unable to make out
What you say
So easily
I slip out
in laughter
smooth words
strung together with ease
lull me
I want
I want
I want
To believe
you
By
Stace
Intoxicating want
Moves me quick
To blurry vision
Unable to make out
What you say
So easily
I slip out
in laughter
smooth words
strung together with ease
lull me
I want
I want
I want
To believe
you
By
Stace
Monday, October 12, 2009
Solitude of Self
I have always appreciated this sobering reality of personal responsibility coupled with the freedom this truth brings.
Solitude of Self
By
Elizabeth Cady Stanton
The isolation of every human soul and the necessity of self-dependence must give each individual the right to choose his own surroundings.
The strongest reason for giving woman all the opportunities for higher education, for the full development of her faculties,
Her forces of mind
And body;
For giving her the most enlarged freedom of thought,
And action;
A complete emancipation from all forms of bondage, of custom, dependence,
Superstition;
From all the crippling influences of fear
Is the solitude and personal responsibility of her own individual life.
The strongest reason why we ask for woman a voice in the government under
Which she lives;
In the religion she is asked to believe;
Equality in social life,
Where she is the chief factor;
A place in the trades and professions,
Where she may earn her bread,
Is because of her birthright to self sovereignty; because, as an individual, she must rely on herself.
By
Elizabeth Cady Stanton
The isolation of every human soul and the necessity of self-dependence must give each individual the right to choose his own surroundings.
The strongest reason for giving woman all the opportunities for higher education, for the full development of her faculties,
Her forces of mind
And body;
For giving her the most enlarged freedom of thought,
And action;
A complete emancipation from all forms of bondage, of custom, dependence,
Superstition;
From all the crippling influences of fear
Is the solitude and personal responsibility of her own individual life.
The strongest reason why we ask for woman a voice in the government under
Which she lives;
In the religion she is asked to believe;
Equality in social life,
Where she is the chief factor;
A place in the trades and professions,
Where she may earn her bread,
Is because of her birthright to self sovereignty; because, as an individual, she must rely on herself.
Conflict Habituation and Eternal Progress?
I have had the chance to spend time with some girlfriends of mine this past week. Friends that have never married, one 35 and one almost 50. Inevitably the subject of being single comes up and the question pondered, am I missing something by not being married? Am I missing some part of happiness? I remember wondering that exact same thing before I got married at 31.
For the me, even before I was married, the answer was “yes”. Like many new experience are unique I believed I was missing something. Like I had never gone to China, or gone parachuted out of a plane, I was missing out on knowing and feeling what that experience was like. But was there something more than the fact that marriage was just another experience? Because I had seen marriages that caused me to ask myself, “would I rather be married and happy or married?”, “What does marriage mean to me?”. “Why were some people in such unhappy marriages?”.
I remember wondering, before I got married if people were so afraid of being alone and feeling lonely that they would settle for a dysfunctional relationship that even the people involved in them believed they weren’t going anywhere…..isn’t it better to be with someone than with no one? It reminds me of the phrase “conflict habituation”. Some of these people were married “on paper” but to me they were really married. I think of it like this: emotionally healthy people have healthy ways of reaching out and connecting emotionally while having their needs met. Emotionally unhealthy people have unhealthy ways of reaching out and having their needs met. One of those ways is to initiate conflict, because conflict is emotionally intense, emotionally engaging, and even though it is unhealthy, the truth is, is that it has some kind of bonding effect between people. I think people who are who are emotionally wounded, who haven’t found healing are in protective mode and they fear getting hurt again. These are the people that utilize Conflict Habituation. It is a way for them to meet their emotional needs one of which is to emotionally bond with someone without making themselves vulnerable to further injury.
I had been a part of this exact kind of relationship, more than once, contributing my fair share of dysfunction and my own unhappiness. At one point in my life I wondered after several failed relationships if I had an addiction to this kind of relationship. I believe I was obsessed with trying to work out my parents relationship by reinventing their relationship over and over in my own life. One day I finally realized I wasn’t responsible for their dysfunctional relationship, but I was responsible for mine. Oh.
Strange as it is I believe as spiritual beings we have strong needs to emotionally connect with those we love, to feel bound together gives us a place of belonging. I believe our need to emotionally connect with each other evidences the inherent nature of our eternal relationships. They are powerfully connecting in an emotional way. Seeing and understanding our emotional selves and our need to express our needs in our eternal relationship expands our understanding that our eternal happiness depends on it.
So we have a deep need to emotionally connect with others even if it is painful. Feeling pain is a sign of being alive it means we still exist. Being on someone’s angry radar, is being on someone’s radar. I think the hard part of lacking emotional connection of any kind whisper to some of our greatest fears of being so isolated we are invisible, maybe even forgotten. To me this, in part, describes outer darkness. To someone involved in conflict habituation these are their thoughts. Their belief is that their relationships define them. Being in any relationship is better than being alone, ie. with no definition. Using outside things as a way of defining ourselves is a common practice for those struggling with emotional woundedness and self definition or identity. But have you ever had that moment of truth, that moment where you realize that those things don’t define you. The first time I had one of those moments it unraveled me. So many of things that I had worked so hard for, hoping that they would make me something, by way of defining me, was all false. I had rested most of my identity and how I measured my worth on these things.
In that moment of dark void I felt unraveled realizing that I had invested so much of my belief of self, all of my worth in temporary and superficial things….I had worked so hard for some of my relationships, titles and degrees. In that sobering moment I felt, heard and learned this truth:
external things don’t define me and they don’t give me worth.
Not my academic degrees, not my marital status, not money, not wealth of talent or looks, not a career whether motherhood or accountant, not status or if wonderful parents or spouse and children love me and believe in me. It isn’t politics, religion or rank or fame or the clothes I wear or don’t wear or the color of my skin, my weight, my hair or even my gender assignments.
One day I realized that the thing that defined me and give me worth was this:
That Heavenly Father had one Begotten Son, Jesus Christ who was valued above all, His dignity, His peace and comfort, His belief in His capabilities, His life was the price that was paid for me. My worth is reflected in the price that was paid for me. Both my Heavenly Father and Savior believed I was worth it.
Do I share in their belief in my worth? Do I trust them to really know me? I am certain I know myself say my blinding pride….would I support the very plan I believe I voted for in the pre-earth life, now, knowing myself in a fallen state? If you believe God is perfect and all knowing, it is hard to dispute Him.
I believe our priesthood covenants are further evidence of what the Father knows about us, His beliefs in us and how much He trusts us.
His atoning sacrifice blessed me with:
Baptism so that I might be clean, sanctified to receive the Holy Ghost…a perfect member of the Godhead….always to be with me…because He believed I was capable of discerning Light and Truth He wanted to magnify my abilities. He wasn’t only giving me a chance to repent and change; He was giving me the protection and the tools He knew I would need that would lead me to peace and joy.
He endowed me with Godliness, not after I died, but while I was young in my mortal journey. Knowing all my mortal limitedness of mind, body and spirit He believed that I could grow into that endowment, on earth. This is what I believe to be the grace of Christ. This just blows my mind. I’m trying to grow into this belief of self. I am continuously amazed as I trip and fall and ultimately question my abilities to progress toward perfection, I feel a constant reassurance from the Holy Ghost that my Heavenly Father knows I can do this, I am His daughter, I am of Divine Worth….these are ”things as they really are”….How do I honor that unflinching belief that He has in me? It inspires me to pick myself up, and keep moving forward with the hope that every birthday I can be a little more pure like the Savior, in charity. “Charity Never Faileth” isn’t solely about serving others, it is a guarantee to my personal happiness, now and forever.
But then as a crown upon my eternal head, He sealed me to my husband and in that moment my potential of an eternal creator of all things was set in motion…..a creator of an exalted relationship (what a commitment!), a creator of life here, a creator of powerful new spaces filled with love, care and peace in my home and in the universe. Ultimately I am a creator, at one with Light and Truth. He did not wait until I had proven myself perfect, He didn’t wait until I was dead or wise or old or better or enough….or until someone else approved of me. He stated clearly His belief in my Divine Worth and capabilities when He sent His only Begotten Son to be sacrificed so that I might choose to realize my Divine Worth, starting with my beliefs…..In all that He knows me, He trust me. Wow!
Funny in the end our happiness in marriage can be determined by our beliefs of our self. What do you believe in yourself?
If you could hie to Kolob,
In the twinkling of an eye,
And then continue onward
With that same speed to fly,
Do you think that you could ever,
Through all eternity,
Find out the generation
Where Gods began to be?
Or see the grand beginning,
Where space did not extend?
Or view the last creation,
Where Gods and matter end?
Methinks the Spirit whispers,
"No man has found 'pure space,'
Nor seen the outside curtains,
Where nothing has a place."
The works of God continue,
And worlds and lives abound;
Improvement and progression
Have one eternal round.
There is no end to matter;
There is no end to space;
There is no end to spirit;
There is no end to race.
There is no end to virtue;
There is no end to might;
There is no end to wisdom;
There is no end to light.
There is no end to union;
There is no end to youth;
There is no end to priesthood;
There is no end to truth.
For the me, even before I was married, the answer was “yes”. Like many new experience are unique I believed I was missing something. Like I had never gone to China, or gone parachuted out of a plane, I was missing out on knowing and feeling what that experience was like. But was there something more than the fact that marriage was just another experience? Because I had seen marriages that caused me to ask myself, “would I rather be married and happy or married?”, “What does marriage mean to me?”. “Why were some people in such unhappy marriages?”.
I remember wondering, before I got married if people were so afraid of being alone and feeling lonely that they would settle for a dysfunctional relationship that even the people involved in them believed they weren’t going anywhere…..isn’t it better to be with someone than with no one? It reminds me of the phrase “conflict habituation”. Some of these people were married “on paper” but to me they were really married. I think of it like this: emotionally healthy people have healthy ways of reaching out and connecting emotionally while having their needs met. Emotionally unhealthy people have unhealthy ways of reaching out and having their needs met. One of those ways is to initiate conflict, because conflict is emotionally intense, emotionally engaging, and even though it is unhealthy, the truth is, is that it has some kind of bonding effect between people. I think people who are who are emotionally wounded, who haven’t found healing are in protective mode and they fear getting hurt again. These are the people that utilize Conflict Habituation. It is a way for them to meet their emotional needs one of which is to emotionally bond with someone without making themselves vulnerable to further injury.
I had been a part of this exact kind of relationship, more than once, contributing my fair share of dysfunction and my own unhappiness. At one point in my life I wondered after several failed relationships if I had an addiction to this kind of relationship. I believe I was obsessed with trying to work out my parents relationship by reinventing their relationship over and over in my own life. One day I finally realized I wasn’t responsible for their dysfunctional relationship, but I was responsible for mine. Oh.
Strange as it is I believe as spiritual beings we have strong needs to emotionally connect with those we love, to feel bound together gives us a place of belonging. I believe our need to emotionally connect with each other evidences the inherent nature of our eternal relationships. They are powerfully connecting in an emotional way. Seeing and understanding our emotional selves and our need to express our needs in our eternal relationship expands our understanding that our eternal happiness depends on it.
So we have a deep need to emotionally connect with others even if it is painful. Feeling pain is a sign of being alive it means we still exist. Being on someone’s angry radar, is being on someone’s radar. I think the hard part of lacking emotional connection of any kind whisper to some of our greatest fears of being so isolated we are invisible, maybe even forgotten. To me this, in part, describes outer darkness. To someone involved in conflict habituation these are their thoughts. Their belief is that their relationships define them. Being in any relationship is better than being alone, ie. with no definition. Using outside things as a way of defining ourselves is a common practice for those struggling with emotional woundedness and self definition or identity. But have you ever had that moment of truth, that moment where you realize that those things don’t define you. The first time I had one of those moments it unraveled me. So many of things that I had worked so hard for, hoping that they would make me something, by way of defining me, was all false. I had rested most of my identity and how I measured my worth on these things.
In that moment of dark void I felt unraveled realizing that I had invested so much of my belief of self, all of my worth in temporary and superficial things….I had worked so hard for some of my relationships, titles and degrees. In that sobering moment I felt, heard and learned this truth:
external things don’t define me and they don’t give me worth.
Not my academic degrees, not my marital status, not money, not wealth of talent or looks, not a career whether motherhood or accountant, not status or if wonderful parents or spouse and children love me and believe in me. It isn’t politics, religion or rank or fame or the clothes I wear or don’t wear or the color of my skin, my weight, my hair or even my gender assignments.
One day I realized that the thing that defined me and give me worth was this:
That Heavenly Father had one Begotten Son, Jesus Christ who was valued above all, His dignity, His peace and comfort, His belief in His capabilities, His life was the price that was paid for me. My worth is reflected in the price that was paid for me. Both my Heavenly Father and Savior believed I was worth it.
Do I share in their belief in my worth? Do I trust them to really know me? I am certain I know myself say my blinding pride….would I support the very plan I believe I voted for in the pre-earth life, now, knowing myself in a fallen state? If you believe God is perfect and all knowing, it is hard to dispute Him.
I believe our priesthood covenants are further evidence of what the Father knows about us, His beliefs in us and how much He trusts us.
His atoning sacrifice blessed me with:
Baptism so that I might be clean, sanctified to receive the Holy Ghost…a perfect member of the Godhead….always to be with me…because He believed I was capable of discerning Light and Truth He wanted to magnify my abilities. He wasn’t only giving me a chance to repent and change; He was giving me the protection and the tools He knew I would need that would lead me to peace and joy.
He endowed me with Godliness, not after I died, but while I was young in my mortal journey. Knowing all my mortal limitedness of mind, body and spirit He believed that I could grow into that endowment, on earth. This is what I believe to be the grace of Christ. This just blows my mind. I’m trying to grow into this belief of self. I am continuously amazed as I trip and fall and ultimately question my abilities to progress toward perfection, I feel a constant reassurance from the Holy Ghost that my Heavenly Father knows I can do this, I am His daughter, I am of Divine Worth….these are ”things as they really are”….How do I honor that unflinching belief that He has in me? It inspires me to pick myself up, and keep moving forward with the hope that every birthday I can be a little more pure like the Savior, in charity. “Charity Never Faileth” isn’t solely about serving others, it is a guarantee to my personal happiness, now and forever.
But then as a crown upon my eternal head, He sealed me to my husband and in that moment my potential of an eternal creator of all things was set in motion…..a creator of an exalted relationship (what a commitment!), a creator of life here, a creator of powerful new spaces filled with love, care and peace in my home and in the universe. Ultimately I am a creator, at one with Light and Truth. He did not wait until I had proven myself perfect, He didn’t wait until I was dead or wise or old or better or enough….or until someone else approved of me. He stated clearly His belief in my Divine Worth and capabilities when He sent His only Begotten Son to be sacrificed so that I might choose to realize my Divine Worth, starting with my beliefs…..In all that He knows me, He trust me. Wow!
Funny in the end our happiness in marriage can be determined by our beliefs of our self. What do you believe in yourself?
If you could hie to Kolob,
In the twinkling of an eye,
And then continue onward
With that same speed to fly,
Do you think that you could ever,
Through all eternity,
Find out the generation
Where Gods began to be?
Or see the grand beginning,
Where space did not extend?
Or view the last creation,
Where Gods and matter end?
Methinks the Spirit whispers,
"No man has found 'pure space,'
Nor seen the outside curtains,
Where nothing has a place."
The works of God continue,
And worlds and lives abound;
Improvement and progression
Have one eternal round.
There is no end to matter;
There is no end to space;
There is no end to spirit;
There is no end to race.
There is no end to virtue;
There is no end to might;
There is no end to wisdom;
There is no end to light.
There is no end to union;
There is no end to youth;
There is no end to priesthood;
There is no end to truth.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Fear is our Friend
“Fear makes you Fragile,
Hate is so heavy when you’re weak.”
Goo Goo Dolls
I have thought so much about Fear, it is such a powerful emotion. I have never wanted to make fear based decisions, it takes my freedom away.
Freedom to see clearly and feel the rush of flow in the vein of Truth.
It’s prophesied in the last days that men’s hearts shall fail them.
“the whole earth shall be in commotion, and men's hearts shall fail them” (DC Section 45:26)
This doesn’t sound like a good thing, but what exactly does it mean, to have our hearts fail them?
I believe it means that we will live in fear, literally. Too much Fear distorts “things as they really are.”
Fear of being hurt.
Fear of physical pain.
Fear of emotional pain.
Fear of spiritual pain.
Fear of mental anguish.
Fear of socially being isolated.
All painful. Naturally we want to avoid pain and so we listen when our fear speaks to us.
What does fear do to our hearts?
It can cause them to recoil, and we shut down emotionally and spiritually. It is a natural response to protecting ourselves. In protective mode our hearts are hard and they grow cold.
“….my fierce anger is kindled against them; for their hearts have waxed hard
(Moses 6:27)
“And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood; (Moses 7:33)
Unbridled Fear creates hate.
It is hard to find hope, love and faith when our hearts are fearful, hard and cold.
We have Fear, not because we have too, but because there will be so many valid things to Fear, and we choose to keep Fear because we don’t know how to understand it to put it to rest.
Fear is our friend.
Hate is so heavy when you’re weak.”
Goo Goo Dolls
I have thought so much about Fear, it is such a powerful emotion. I have never wanted to make fear based decisions, it takes my freedom away.
Freedom to see clearly and feel the rush of flow in the vein of Truth.
It’s prophesied in the last days that men’s hearts shall fail them.
“the whole earth shall be in commotion, and men's hearts shall fail them” (DC Section 45:26)
This doesn’t sound like a good thing, but what exactly does it mean, to have our hearts fail them?
I believe it means that we will live in fear, literally. Too much Fear distorts “things as they really are.”
Fear of being hurt.
Fear of physical pain.
Fear of emotional pain.
Fear of spiritual pain.
Fear of mental anguish.
Fear of socially being isolated.
All painful. Naturally we want to avoid pain and so we listen when our fear speaks to us.
What does fear do to our hearts?
It can cause them to recoil, and we shut down emotionally and spiritually. It is a natural response to protecting ourselves. In protective mode our hearts are hard and they grow cold.
“….my fierce anger is kindled against them; for their hearts have waxed hard
(Moses 6:27)
“And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood; (Moses 7:33)
Unbridled Fear creates hate.
It is hard to find hope, love and faith when our hearts are fearful, hard and cold.
We have Fear, not because we have too, but because there will be so many valid things to Fear, and we choose to keep Fear because we don’t know how to understand it to put it to rest.
Fear is our friend.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
To be critical, or not to be
Everyone has a right to be respected and be treated respectfully.
First law of criticism: Those seeking to criticize must gain the consent of the person they wish to criticize, there must be common consent. (otherwise people won’t hear you or they will protect themselves by dismissing you.)
All forms of criticizing are born from arrogance and pride (self protective beliefs and behaviors) and are rooted in insecurity and deep emotional woundedness. People who are critical are fearful and are incapable of creating an intimate space. Ironically all of criticism is a underhanded manipulative way of make others dependent on the critic who needs to be elevated and feel important, and because they are incapable of doing that internally, they need others to validate their worth for them. The intent of criticism is optimally to strip others of their belief in their self worth and minimally create self doubt in inherent self worth.
Forms and Ways of Criticizing Self or Others :
Sarcasm, humorous or otherwise: For you it reflects a need to be seen as the clever this guy, who is witty. For them it is demeaning and belittling and silencing. stripes them of their
Analysis, Appraisal, Evaluation: For you it means you lack empathy. For them it objectifies a child of God.
Questioning: Accusations in the form of questions. For you it reveals your distrust and need to control. For them it destroys their belief that they are trustworthy.
Direction Giving: For you it reflects your impatience and need to appear in front of others to know more, a power trip of dominance. For them it sends the message that they are incapable/incompetent which encourages fear of making mistakes this in turn stifles creativity, growth and also creates dependent based relationships.
Being Contrary and Correcting facts: For you it means you are threatened and need to emotionally bully someone and feel justified in being right a sign of self righteousness. For them it destroys their opportunity to be acknowledged and valued as knowing something or being smart.
“Truth” and “Honesty” as forms of criticism. These critics exploit the nature and purpose of truth and honesty so they can assault others. For you it means you are insensitive, self-righteous and weak in your discerning abilities. It also means that you exploited someone’s learning moment for personal gain and glory. For them it means feeling used and exposed while in the vulnerable moment of learning a lesson. For both it is the opportunity to manifest wisdom while discerning the important difference between being ‘honest” and sharing “truth” and destroying a learning moment or edifying, uplifting and encouraging another while they are discovering truth.
(Many of these ideas are found in Dr. John Lund's book "Not Without Offense"
First law of criticism: Those seeking to criticize must gain the consent of the person they wish to criticize, there must be common consent. (otherwise people won’t hear you or they will protect themselves by dismissing you.)
All forms of criticizing are born from arrogance and pride (self protective beliefs and behaviors) and are rooted in insecurity and deep emotional woundedness. People who are critical are fearful and are incapable of creating an intimate space. Ironically all of criticism is a underhanded manipulative way of make others dependent on the critic who needs to be elevated and feel important, and because they are incapable of doing that internally, they need others to validate their worth for them. The intent of criticism is optimally to strip others of their belief in their self worth and minimally create self doubt in inherent self worth.
Forms and Ways of Criticizing Self or Others :
Sarcasm, humorous or otherwise: For you it reflects a need to be seen as the clever this guy, who is witty. For them it is demeaning and belittling and silencing. stripes them of their
Analysis, Appraisal, Evaluation: For you it means you lack empathy. For them it objectifies a child of God.
Questioning: Accusations in the form of questions. For you it reveals your distrust and need to control. For them it destroys their belief that they are trustworthy.
Direction Giving: For you it reflects your impatience and need to appear in front of others to know more, a power trip of dominance. For them it sends the message that they are incapable/incompetent which encourages fear of making mistakes this in turn stifles creativity, growth and also creates dependent based relationships.
Being Contrary and Correcting facts: For you it means you are threatened and need to emotionally bully someone and feel justified in being right a sign of self righteousness. For them it destroys their opportunity to be acknowledged and valued as knowing something or being smart.
“Truth” and “Honesty” as forms of criticism. These critics exploit the nature and purpose of truth and honesty so they can assault others. For you it means you are insensitive, self-righteous and weak in your discerning abilities. It also means that you exploited someone’s learning moment for personal gain and glory. For them it means feeling used and exposed while in the vulnerable moment of learning a lesson. For both it is the opportunity to manifest wisdom while discerning the important difference between being ‘honest” and sharing “truth” and destroying a learning moment or edifying, uplifting and encouraging another while they are discovering truth.
(Many of these ideas are found in Dr. John Lund's book "Not Without Offense"
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The Purpose of Families
I want to share with you some of my favorite quotes, treasures and experiences about families, and how the purpose of families is related to the work of preparing for the Second Coming of our Lord and Savior.
One day in my personal study I was reading a talk by Elder Eyring. In it he states:
“The truth of most worth is to know God our Heavenly Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and Their plan for us to have eternal life with Them in families” (A Life Founded on Truth and Light, 2000)
The doctrine of families is an eternal doctrine and it part of Heavenly Father’s Plan of Happiness because ultimate and lasting happiness cannot be outside of our families experiences. I have thought hard a long about the truth of this doctrine on the days where I have struggled in my family relationships and have wondered what I have to learn to find the joy that is promised in family. And I like President Monson’s reminder this past conference related to service. He read the scripture found in Matt. 16:25, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for MY SAKE shall find it.” I think remembering the purpose of our family relationships is not to elevate ourselves, or to create an exterior image of goodness, but to serve others with the motive to glorify Christ and in the process learn to be like Christ.
In the October 2000 General Conference Elder Oaks gave a powerful address about becoming like Christ and how our family relationship facilitate that process. He said:
“Now is the time for each of us to work toward our personal conversion, toward becoming what our Heavenly Father desires us to become. As we do so, we should remember that our family relationships--even more than our Church callings--are the setting in which the most important part of that development can occur. The conversion we must achieve requires us to be a good husband and father or a good wife and mother. Being a successful Church leader is not enough. Exaltation is an eternal family experience, and it is our mortal family experiences that are best suited to prepare us for it. “
I find such reassurance in knowing that my Heavenly Father has created a perfect plan with the divine design of families placed deliberately at its core, so that my eternal progress can move forward inside my daily and ordinary life all the while my knowledge and understanding of God and happiness expand. All in keeping with Heavenly Father’s response and promise to our deep desire to be like our Him hailing from the foundation of our existence.
In these last day as the philosophy of the world’s “itching ears” impact on the simplest of family definitions and doctrines challenges our civility with Babylon, I find it grounding to have such decrees as, “The Family Proclamation:” that solidify the pure and eternal doctrines of the family. Such an outlines guides us to see and live the simple truths that will usher in Christ’s Second Coming.
President Kimball said:
When Satan is bound in a single home,
When Satan is bound in a single life,
The millennium has already begun,
In that home,
In that life. (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 172)
Clearly the time of Christ’s coming is not only determined by the state of the wicked to be “ripe for destruction” but also for those that are faithful to be ready and ripe for righteousness.
As we daily relate to our family members, as we feel our emotional responses of joy or discomfort to their behavior we gain a clear picture of how we are progressing toward Christ and preparing for His much anticipated arrival, I like to think of this promise from President Kiimball:
“O my beloved hearers, what a world it would be if a million families in this church were to be on their knees like this every night and morning! And what a world it would be if nearly a hundred million families in this great land and other hundreds in other lands were praying for their sons and daughters twice daily! And what a world this would be if a billion families through the world were in home evenings and church activity were on their physical knees pouring out their souls for their children, their families, their leaders, their governments!
This kind of family life could bring us back toward the translation experience of righteous Enoch. The millennium would be ushered in. (Teachings of Spencer W.. Kimball, p. 117)
In and address given in April 2003 to University of Denver’s graduating students President Hinckley said,
“…you cannot destroy the family, with the values on which it must be based, without under minding the strength of the nation. There is no more important foundation stone on which to build a bridge for the future than the family – that simple but wonderful organization that the God of heaven put together, where there is a father who loves and takes responsibility, where there is a mother who nurtures and rears her children with pride, and where there are children who look to parents with love and respect and appreciation.
"I submit that if we will work to turn the families of America to God, if they will recognize Him as our divine Father, as the Ruler of the universe, as the Giver of all good, something wonderful will happen. Think of what it means to know that each of us is actually a child of God and that He is our Father, to whom we may go in prayer. If we will use our energies to bring about a practice in the homes of America of good reading, including the reading of scripture; of a desire for education; of an attitude of civility one to another; then and only then, will our nation truly become not only the military leader but also the moral light of the entire world. "
After reading these prophesies I am reminded of the scriptures and the family proclamation that bears witness of how family and the Second Coming are related:
Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the f to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse. (Malachi 4: 5-6)
And
“We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.”
It is clear that the culminating events surrounding the issue of family are a ripening of times for the Second Coming. As we focus and seek for improvement in this important may we continue to focus on the words of the prophets both ancient and modern. And in our moments of self reflection may we honestly review our family relationships and our “self” in them. It is my sincerest prayer that we will learn all that we can in our family relationships to find the eternal truths and happiness that is found in being like our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ.
One day in my personal study I was reading a talk by Elder Eyring. In it he states:
“The truth of most worth is to know God our Heavenly Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and Their plan for us to have eternal life with Them in families” (A Life Founded on Truth and Light, 2000)
The doctrine of families is an eternal doctrine and it part of Heavenly Father’s Plan of Happiness because ultimate and lasting happiness cannot be outside of our families experiences. I have thought hard a long about the truth of this doctrine on the days where I have struggled in my family relationships and have wondered what I have to learn to find the joy that is promised in family. And I like President Monson’s reminder this past conference related to service. He read the scripture found in Matt. 16:25, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for MY SAKE shall find it.” I think remembering the purpose of our family relationships is not to elevate ourselves, or to create an exterior image of goodness, but to serve others with the motive to glorify Christ and in the process learn to be like Christ.
In the October 2000 General Conference Elder Oaks gave a powerful address about becoming like Christ and how our family relationship facilitate that process. He said:
“Now is the time for each of us to work toward our personal conversion, toward becoming what our Heavenly Father desires us to become. As we do so, we should remember that our family relationships--even more than our Church callings--are the setting in which the most important part of that development can occur. The conversion we must achieve requires us to be a good husband and father or a good wife and mother. Being a successful Church leader is not enough. Exaltation is an eternal family experience, and it is our mortal family experiences that are best suited to prepare us for it. “
I find such reassurance in knowing that my Heavenly Father has created a perfect plan with the divine design of families placed deliberately at its core, so that my eternal progress can move forward inside my daily and ordinary life all the while my knowledge and understanding of God and happiness expand. All in keeping with Heavenly Father’s response and promise to our deep desire to be like our Him hailing from the foundation of our existence.
In these last day as the philosophy of the world’s “itching ears” impact on the simplest of family definitions and doctrines challenges our civility with Babylon, I find it grounding to have such decrees as, “The Family Proclamation:” that solidify the pure and eternal doctrines of the family. Such an outlines guides us to see and live the simple truths that will usher in Christ’s Second Coming.
President Kimball said:
When Satan is bound in a single home,
When Satan is bound in a single life,
The millennium has already begun,
In that home,
In that life. (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 172)
Clearly the time of Christ’s coming is not only determined by the state of the wicked to be “ripe for destruction” but also for those that are faithful to be ready and ripe for righteousness.
As we daily relate to our family members, as we feel our emotional responses of joy or discomfort to their behavior we gain a clear picture of how we are progressing toward Christ and preparing for His much anticipated arrival, I like to think of this promise from President Kiimball:
“O my beloved hearers, what a world it would be if a million families in this church were to be on their knees like this every night and morning! And what a world it would be if nearly a hundred million families in this great land and other hundreds in other lands were praying for their sons and daughters twice daily! And what a world this would be if a billion families through the world were in home evenings and church activity were on their physical knees pouring out their souls for their children, their families, their leaders, their governments!
This kind of family life could bring us back toward the translation experience of righteous Enoch. The millennium would be ushered in. (Teachings of Spencer W.. Kimball, p. 117)
In and address given in April 2003 to University of Denver’s graduating students President Hinckley said,
“…you cannot destroy the family, with the values on which it must be based, without under minding the strength of the nation. There is no more important foundation stone on which to build a bridge for the future than the family – that simple but wonderful organization that the God of heaven put together, where there is a father who loves and takes responsibility, where there is a mother who nurtures and rears her children with pride, and where there are children who look to parents with love and respect and appreciation.
"I submit that if we will work to turn the families of America to God, if they will recognize Him as our divine Father, as the Ruler of the universe, as the Giver of all good, something wonderful will happen. Think of what it means to know that each of us is actually a child of God and that He is our Father, to whom we may go in prayer. If we will use our energies to bring about a practice in the homes of America of good reading, including the reading of scripture; of a desire for education; of an attitude of civility one to another; then and only then, will our nation truly become not only the military leader but also the moral light of the entire world. "
After reading these prophesies I am reminded of the scriptures and the family proclamation that bears witness of how family and the Second Coming are related:
Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the f to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse. (Malachi 4: 5-6)
And
“We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.”
It is clear that the culminating events surrounding the issue of family are a ripening of times for the Second Coming. As we focus and seek for improvement in this important may we continue to focus on the words of the prophets both ancient and modern. And in our moments of self reflection may we honestly review our family relationships and our “self” in them. It is my sincerest prayer that we will learn all that we can in our family relationships to find the eternal truths and happiness that is found in being like our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
A Bold Beginning
Such a bold beginning in July.
Sometimes I feel like a fish in water…where I can’t see myself…and I want too. It is nice to have a pelican sit on the surface of the water and say…”hey, you’re a fish. I like fish.” Today I feel grateful for the pelicans in my life.
I believe in God. I believe one day He will ask me if I honored the gifts that are inherent in my eternal identity. He will say to me, “Did you spend time doing the things you love? The things that made you feel happy? Purely Joyful?” I want to say “Yes.”
The fruit of responsibility is the ease of believing in my self worth, it is also my happiness.
I have learned the fruit of honoring the gifts and talents related to my eternal identity is Pure Joy. The moments I live that joy seem full of light, truth and the time seems endless….is this Eternal Life? Laughter comes so easy, insights are abundant and clear, giving and receiving so fluid. Today I also feel grateful for those places in my life that allow me to be my eternal self, it feels so good to be reminded of who I am….a fish in water.
Sometimes I feel like a fish in water…where I can’t see myself…and I want too. It is nice to have a pelican sit on the surface of the water and say…”hey, you’re a fish. I like fish.” Today I feel grateful for the pelicans in my life.
I believe in God. I believe one day He will ask me if I honored the gifts that are inherent in my eternal identity. He will say to me, “Did you spend time doing the things you love? The things that made you feel happy? Purely Joyful?” I want to say “Yes.”
The fruit of responsibility is the ease of believing in my self worth, it is also my happiness.
I have learned the fruit of honoring the gifts and talents related to my eternal identity is Pure Joy. The moments I live that joy seem full of light, truth and the time seems endless….is this Eternal Life? Laughter comes so easy, insights are abundant and clear, giving and receiving so fluid. Today I also feel grateful for those places in my life that allow me to be my eternal self, it feels so good to be reminded of who I am….a fish in water.
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Power of Feeling
Welcome to The Power of Feeling. I believe that all our feelings both positive and negative, once understood create tremendous positive energy that reveal to us Truth and our eternal purpose. My intention on this blog is to empower you to see and understand emotional and spiritual laws that will lead you to discover the purpose of your creation and the peace and power that come from living your eternal identity.
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